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In the sea of time
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Someone just asked me to set up a point donation box. I honestly don't see why so I just made up a large number for whatever.... I will go on doing what I have been doing.. if someone writes something or favorites something, I visit their page and take a look and possibly respond in kind if I should be interested, just as always.

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Just got bored so I decided to write something. I rarely do on DA, just don't see a point.

This has been a tough year in a lot of ways.

Last February I was quickly running out of room on all my HDDs so I decided to update and buy a new 2TB and consolidate my files. I then had to update from WinXP 64 to Windows 7. I didn't want to do that. To anyone that has had to rebuild and reinstall all their programs onto a new OS you can feel my pain. Things were running OKAY... and I didn't like some of the changes from XP to W7. Then about a month into the new drive things..

started

to 

sloooooooowwwww

down.

I mean really. At first I thought it was just a quirk of W7 that it would take 30 minutes for me to view the files in my Downloads folder or even search for anything. Then it got so bad that it took 2,3,5,8 yes 8!! hours for me to boot my computer. I thought it was my CPU so I bought an exact replacement but there was no difference. Some times it would take an hour to get to the little start up screen where it says "Error, want to load Windows in Safe Mode?" Or it would run it's automatic "OH SHIT! Hard Drive Error Scan!" for the next few hours and constantly reboot and rescan. I thought it was a virus for on the few opportunities I'd get the computer running, I tried to use my AV software to give a quick scan.  5 days it said.  Are you shitting me? I went online to Reddit to ask for some help and was guided to an online HDD test. I timed how long it would take. The website said only 2 minutes.. it took over 40 minutes with multiple failures. Yeah.. it was my wonderful new HDD that I had consolidated all my personal art files, 1TB of movies and music and tons of other things. And now it was slowly dying on me.

Crap.

So I installed Win7 on my older and much much smaller 500mb drive and things worked just fine. But now I was without most of my gfx programs, all my personal files and templates. I got really demotivated. This was about April. I still had my Bryce program and all the associated files, but no room at all to start animating, so I left those other drives alone. A few months later I managed to figure out a way of installing the crap drive.... it took 2 hours to boot and even longer to try and copy over some important files. I did a calculation on how slow things were copying. It took 36+ hours to copy less than 100mb. I think it would have taken 60+ days.. yes 2 months of solid copying to move my files to another drive. That's just intolerable.

For someone that does a lot of free time computer WORK, this was just terrible. Just about the only things I have on my machine now.. are Win7, Skyrim and World of Tanks. That's it! Only this past week have I been able to add an older drive with my planetary files on it. 

So that's all I've been doing for most of the year when I get home from work, is play World of Tanks or Skyrim until the sun comes up, then I got to sleep and repeat.

Work: Without getting into details, I work a shitty job, for shit money and really shitty hours. I sleep when others work, I work when other's socialize.. and I'm at home on the computer when others are sleeping. It doesn't give me any time to socialize or even to run errands. Some times I work 6 days a week and my one off day I'm practically in a coma for 10-11 hours being exhausted. If I could find better work I'd take it, but I haven't and this job still pays my bills, barely.

Should I buy a new drive and start over? I can't. In august my bank account was hacked and someone took a joyride 3 states away withdrawing nearly $2K from my acccount at ATM's across California and Arizona. I don't even use ATMs. My money got refunded but it caused no end of problems with my direct deposit and all my automatic billing because I had to move money from that account. I can't close it just yet because the idiots at head office of my job keep losing my paperwork to change my bank account for direct deposit!

As if that wasn't unlucky enough, I went to the dentist in October complaining about food being stuck in my rear molar and it looked like I had cracked/chipped it. My sister-in-law is a dental hygienist so I went to her boss to take a look. It was a missing filling witch he fixed. Then he did a thorough exam, :(. Now I've had great teeth for most of my life. Never needed braces, rarely got a cavity. But since I'm poor I don't have health or dental insurance (shit job remember?) so I've not gone in a long time. The last time I did was 4 years ago to my old dentist and he fixed 4 cavities, not bad for 10 years of not seeing one. Well this doctor found 20 TWENTY! cavities! All in between my teeth and the guilty party is all the Coca-Cola I drink. (I've tried to quit so many times but the caffeine withdrawal headaches are terrible, like a smoker trying to quit you just become so irritable and that's putting it nicely).. 20 cavities is $4K worth of work. So far I've only paid $1200 out of my own pocket and have a lot more to go.... I can't afford to buy some toy for my computer like a new hard drive.

Side note: The only thing that brightens my day on a regular basis is to take a lovely picture of the sunset and then share it. For the past 1.5 months my phone has not wanted to connect to my computer so that I could copy over the files and photomerge them with Photoshop. So that has been really demotivating too. "Oh look a pretty sunset. Shame I can't put it on my computer because my phone isn't cooperating and I can't get Photoshop to work because it's beeing a bitch too"... I fixed the phone issue yesterday but PS is still being a pain.


So that is how this year is going to round off for me. At the end of this month I will turn 33 and feel every day of it. I'm always exhausted when I come from home work. I have little money or motivation to do anything. I'm nearly broke and very alone. I've been this way for the last 10 years and things don't look like they will change any time soon. My one bright point this year was I got to see some close friends in November I had not seen in many years. I guess that's really it. I wrote far more than I intended to.


Edit: And then I caught a cold on my birthday (Dec 21) and I've been even more miserable since. 

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1Wyrmshadow1
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PsyduckCraig 3 days ago  New member Student Photographer
Thanks for the fave! Please watch+ if you enjoy any of my work :D (Big Grin) 
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I love your art!
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thanks !!!!!!!:iloveyouplz: :iloveyouplz: :iloveyouplz: 
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Thank you so much for the favourite, I am glad you like my work
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Hello! :w00t!:
Thanks so :hug: much for the fave! Im really glad you like my work! ... :alphaosiris: 
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Thank you for watching. Arigato gozaimasu.
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